Explicit Content

  Once again, Friendster deleted my entire post!~ Don’t know if I’ll remember my entire entry but I’ll try to retype it again. Word by word. Here goes nothing…

  Singapore - A FINE country. Fine being…

a) $500 bucks for Eating or Drinking on the train, bus or even in the train station.

b) $5000 bucks for Smoking in the train, bus or train station.

c) $10 bucks for every overdued parking ticket. (Here I was complaining about 50 cents and 70 cents worth of parking tickets.)

  I know it’s relatively easy for the Singaporean Government to add zeros(50, 500, 5000) while making those signs but 500 bucks for eating?

  There are those occasional announcements/warnings that come right after you’ve popped that Mars bar or had a sip of that refreshingly thirst quenching Cola in the comfort of the train station or bus. But what’s a foreigner to do? Didn’t know at the time.

  Singapore really is tight on security…around 50 CCTVs watching your every move at every train station. They say it’s for your safety. I say they just want to zoom in for a close up just when you’re digging that booger out of your nose.

  50 surveillance cameras for your safety. I was there wondering why there wasn’t one less for my privacy. I bet there were even cameras installed in the jungle at Night Safari. Safety maybe. Don’t want people hugging the Orang Utans I guess.

  Even at Sim Lin Square ( The place to go to for tech stuff- It’s either this place or Funan) hidden cameras are sold by the dozens. Tiny ones the size of a 50 cent coin, only an inch thick. You know…those you find right beside your television set when you’re staying at Hilton.

  That got me thinking when I entered the men’s room at Vivo City. It was spotless. Imagine a public toilet that even puts Sarawak Club’s to shame. That’s what it looked like. The air was filled with soft soothing classical music just like the tunes you hear on board Malaysian Airlines. Not those raunchy pulsating beats you hear on Hitz.fm. You wouldn’t want to hear that while you’re visiting the can. Anyway. No photos of the toilet because while I was in there, I came to a conclusion that the only way they could have made that place spotless was with the help of an extra eye here and there. It was either that or a very good cleaning service. I wasn’t going to take any chances. That just puts Kuching’s public toilets to shame, there’s no need for any public toilet awards. It just shameful.

  Besides the countless surveillance cameras, there are also plain-clothed officials located at all the major tourist sites just to catch those who dare defy the law.

  While walking along the beach at midnight, I was told that not long ago, there was a coolie (unskilled laborer). This coolie was brought in to help with some construction on the beach. The beach was serene spot, with a row of swaying coconut trees gracing it’s shore. Well, back to the coolie. This coolie was sent to jail for 2 weeks. "Why?" I asked. One hot day, this coolie was caught quenching his thirst with a coconut. Not just any coconut! One of the coconuts that came from one of the trees that graced that very shore. "Now, why not just pay the FINE?" I asked. Well, the FINE was 200 Singaporean dollars. I’m guessing far more than what he earned in an entire month. I’m also guessing that if the public toilets in Singapore looked that good, there should be cable tv in prison. Come to think of it, I think our prisons would be cleaner than our public toilets.

  As I was listening to this story, I couldn’t help wondering why there wasn’t anyone out to catch that couple making out on the bench in a dark corner of the dimly lit beach. Maybe the surveillance cameras were taking care of that.

  Since it’s story time. Here’s another story. There was once a man, who decided to spend his holiday in Singapore. Singapore, being an Island country, surrounded by the sea would serve as an ideal location the soak up the sun. As any sun worshiper would, the man headed for the beach. Not knowing that it was AGAINST the law to swim in nothing but your birthday suit, the man ventured into the ocean for some skinny dipping, only to be caught. Of course any man would want some dignity in his capture. So this man stood naked several metres from shore in the open sea as officials beckoned him to come ashore. I’m guessing a crowd was there and the man was also a little shy. This battle raged on for hours. Finally the officials came to a conclusion that their calls landed on deaf ears. It took a small army of man and boats to surround the naked man from all corners and drag him off the beach. Now I’m guessing its an interesting experience for tourists, you get a swim, a tan and you get your naked physique featured in the morning paper(with the occasional censored parts for privacy of course).

  The Singapore government is strict when it comes to the beach. Years ago, a couple (I won’t mention who) went to the beach for a date. They sat on a precarious position on top of a huge rock. The rock faced the sea with moderate waves crashing softly against it. Being the romantic gentleman, the man brought along two cups of coffee, hoping for some heart to heart talk. Suddenly the woman lost her grip and fell, luckily to be saved by the man. The two quickly left that spot only to be sentenced to community service. Although they couple left the spot, the two cups of coffee were left behind. The moral of the story is, in Singapore it’s more important to always throw away your coffee.

  I always wondered why Singapore would dare to claim to be one of the safest countries. Here’s why…

 

  A police car? Not just any police car. A Mitsubishi Lancer. I’m sorry I couldn’t get a picture of the Toyota Hilux that they also use as police cars. It’s just so disappointing when I mention the Kancils we use as police cars. The only car that a Kancil would catch is a Bumper car. There’s no use running from the Law in Singapore, Singapore’s a small place, you’ll easily be cornered, booked and served!~ Happy Holiday!~

P.S. The naked man and the coolie was not me.

This entry was posted on Monday, February 12th, 2007 at 1:51 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.